Our Passion Of Lives » Jokes Entertainment

Just one of those

choutofu — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 13:59:09 +0000

One of those conversations worth remembering…

Mom: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Oh, just wondering what I’ll become in the future…”

Mom: “Thats great!”

Me: “But nothing comes to mind…”

Mom: “Oh”

Me: “How about you?”

Mom: “I’m just thinking about what i’ve become.”

Me: “Oh”

Mom: “But nothing comes to mind…”

Me: “Oh…”

HAHAHA. just one of those classic conversations that I have to record down.

Seriously, it should even be made into a comic strip by my standards of course. Classic classic humour.

And this really did happen in my life, on a bright happy day called TODAY. HAHA.

Ok, now i’m getting seriously lame. Shall leave this classic piece here to remember for ages. (:

Baked Beans joke

choutofu — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 16:32:50 +0000

COMMON TESTS are like here… which means I’m like super duper whooper busy. So even if I do update, it’ll probably be jokes or something I read in the mail. So anyway, I received this mail quite long ago. But the joke is simply hilarious. I couldn’t stop laughing when I finished reading it! So read it all the way through, no cheating!

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: ‘Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.’

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went
to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: ‘Happy Birthday!’

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jokes

choutofu — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 14:00:42 +0000

I know, I know theres been a serious LACK OF UPDATES. But then again I’m busy with my uncountable amount of projects/homework/reports/work/sleep/play etc etc. Please say you sympathise with me and totally understand why I can’t update. As for my mummy, she FOUND A JOB!! (I know, like FINALLY right?) HAHA.

Anyhoo, I read this e-mail my friend sent me. Its jokes about weight issues and I think everyone should read it. As they always say, you should spread the joy! So i’m being a kind person and I’m spreading the joy!!

The following are some questions patients asked a doctor:

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! …. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

–END–

Ok, I know maybe some of you don’t find any of it funny. But still, I felt the need to share this. And at the end of this e-mail, here was what it said.

‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand -chocolate in the other- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO, WHAT A RIDE’

And its true, because at the end of the day, when we leave Earth, who knows what we truly take away? One thing is for sure, we don’t die thinking I died fat/skinny/ugly/pretty. We all should die thinking that we lived our lives with no regrets.