I know, I know theres been a serious LACK OF UPDATES. But then again I’m busy with my uncountable amount of projects/homework/reports/work/sleep/play etc etc. Please say you sympathise with me and totally understand why I can’t update. As for my mummy, she FOUND A JOB!! (I know, like FINALLY right?) HAHA.

Anyhoo, I read this e-mail my friend sent me. Its jokes about weight issues and I think everyone should read it. As they always say, you should spread the joy! So i’m being a kind person and I’m spreading the joy!!

The following are some questions patients asked a doctor:

Q: I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s it… don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain…Good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! …. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is a shape!

–END–

Ok, I know maybe some of you don’t find any of it funny. But still, I felt the need to share this. And at the end of this e-mail, here was what it said.

‘Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand -chocolate in the other- body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘WOO HOO, WHAT A RIDE’

And its true, because at the end of the day, when we leave Earth, who knows what we truly take away? One thing is for sure, we don’t die thinking I died fat/skinny/ugly/pretty. We all should die thinking that we lived our lives with no regrets.